The Exchange Rate We Learn Young

"Am I trying to please people?" (Galatians 1:10)

Many people who cannot stop pleasing others learned very early that love and acceptance were handed out on condition, earned by meeting the expectation. A child notices the arrangement the way he notices where the good fishing is, and once he has noticed it he uses it, and it works, and it quietly becomes the shape of a whole life. Be useful, and the good word comes. Perform, and you are accepted. Fail, and the warmth withdraws.

Underneath it is a hunger, a desperation for a good word carried home to someone you love, and a person can grow so addicted to finding that word, from anyone who will give it, that he never stops looking. Harriet Braiker calls people-pleasing an addiction, and the comparison is exact. Just as a drug addict seeks drugs, she writes, people-pleasers seek approval. A man may get sober from a great many things in his life and never once get sober from this.

And it will not be broken by trying harder to be humble, because the trying is itself one more bid for approval. The addiction only loosens when a deeper acceptance arrives, one you did not earn and therefore cannot lose. This is the whole scandal of grace. The Father's good word over you was spoken before you performed a single useful thing, spoken over a Son he loved and in whom he was well pleased, and given to you in him.

So stop trying to buy what you already own. You will know the exchange rate is finally breaking in you on the day you can do a hidden good thing that no one will ever carry home and praise, and be content that God saw it.